i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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