I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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