i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
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