make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
