You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
