Ambien. No doubt about it.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Randomize
