This girl is more easily done than said...
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
