I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
