my soul wont recognize me after tonight
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Randomize
