omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Randomize
