I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
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