you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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