dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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