So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
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