I wanna bring you to show and tell
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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