I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
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