We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Randomize
