She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
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So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
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It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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