Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize