gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
