Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize