did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Randomize
