How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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