my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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