I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
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