I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
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