The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Randomize
