We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
He shit in the fireplace
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
