Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
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