Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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