I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
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he has the hands of the vagina gods.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
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We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
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