Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Randomize
