I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
Randomize
