the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
