i was born a porn star she said
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
I pour the whiskey from now on
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Randomize
