I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
Randomize
