so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
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So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
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