Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
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I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
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Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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