Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
