maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
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