did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Randomize
