I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
