She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
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