The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
