Rock
Scissors
Fuck
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
