my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Randomize
