You made eat vitamins until I threw up
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
