In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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