2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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