Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
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