How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Randomize
