Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
try to milk me bitch
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
