My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
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