I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
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