I wanna bring you to show and tell
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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