Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
