Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
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