I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
