If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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