oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
