Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Randomize
