I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
