Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
