we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
