Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Randomize
