Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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