so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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