i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Randomize
