nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
she peed on how many people?
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Randomize
