Hey man sorry I got all grabby
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
