His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
It's never too late to be topless.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
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