I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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