I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Randomize
