my being single is dangerous.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Randomize
