i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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