i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
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