I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
Randomize
